true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think your dad took our porno
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
