Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
