So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
