we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
