Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
