So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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