I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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