Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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