dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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