doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
