so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
