Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
