I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
