Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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