Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
jump out the window naked night went bad
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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