he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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