he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
