Pappa wants mamma naked
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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