and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
