just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you had me at cake vodka
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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