I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize