I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
