How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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