you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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