I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
