i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
