How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
