Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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