I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
