i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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