When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
