Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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