I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
