3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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