Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize