Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
No...this little piggys going to the bar
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
