Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
