Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
