rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
