Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize