Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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