Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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