How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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