Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize