a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
