There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
