do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't deserve a penis
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
