someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
