It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You are a genius and a whore.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
