Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
me + whiskey = a bad person
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
