you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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