I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
MIDGETS
????
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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