Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
