I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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