i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
