My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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