FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize