I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
