there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
