we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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