I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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