i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
