we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
