I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Acid is not a monday night drug
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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