ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
