If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
