Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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