...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
