i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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