i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
