carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
