Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
