walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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