so let's talk penis.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
