you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
