good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
