im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
