only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
