I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize