Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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