Quick, to the slutcave!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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