I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I pour the whiskey from now on
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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