You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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